No Mean Feet...

This is such a mission.  I kinda wish it was summer and I could just get out and walk the road, y'know..?  On top of my current day job (which I'm thankful for), there's a lot of work to do.  And thankfully I can hit the road in a few days time.  Four days to be more precise...

Shall we talk about what Special Forces soldiers are expected to do sometimes or would you like a bit more of an FYI regarding the background to the impending perambulatory torture..?  OK, since I ain't no soldier we'll do a bit of the latter :0)

WHY am I walking from Dalkieth to Stevenage, especially at this time of year and with the current weather conditions..?  Well.  Purely and Simply, my personal reason is that I missed last years Hogmanay Knees Up and wouldn't want to miss this year's one for the world.  I missed the 2009/10 rave because I made an excuse and didn't show up.  I could have but I didn't.  I damned well should have.  But I didn't.  And over the course of the last year a lot of things have become clearer in my mind after years and years of confusion, depression, mild schizophrenia and pissing my friends and family right off.  So this year, I'll spend Christmas with my family, who I love, and Hogmanay with my friends, who I also love.  That being the case, I'm a very fortunate individual and there are lots of people who won't be able to do either because they're in the boat I've hopefully left for a while...  So I'm going to a party. Which is nice :0)

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS INSANE THING???  Well... haven't you just answered the question..?  I'm obviously a bit mad, that being the case I'm in an ideal situation to take advantage of the fact and express myself in an appropriate manner.  Look - my mates have called me Mad Andy for years, all different groups in many different places - because I push the envelope and sometimes just step outside - not in a horrible, offensive or dangerous to others way, I'm maybe just a bit more focused and committed to the cause so to speak.  And the cause in this instance is Time to Change - because it represents me and people like me and someone has to take a stand against what is essentially the fear and paranoia that the 'general public' has towards people who have been labelled Mentally Ill.

It's like we're untouchable, low, heathen monsters who cannot be trusted to behave like civilised human beings - you see us on the news throwing people in front of trains and murdering prostitutes...  I'll probably touch on that 'Civilised Human Beings'... point again.  The fact is that you probably wouldn't know that Richard who lives with his girlfriend at no.58 is Bi-Polar.  Or Janey the girl you really fancy that works part time in the newsagents fights her agoraphobia every day just to get into work... And when you do find out you either don't know what the hell it is (never mind being able to spell it), or you've been so misinformed about the condition that your response is totally out of context.  Honest, that's what happens.  Seen it with my own eyes... For example, I can go out on a date  with someone, and everything's great, really, and then when I do open up and explain my condition and experiences, the lie of the land shifts rapidly, from beneath me...  Or when I apply for a job, go to an interview and the question pops up I tell the truth.  Not bluntly or theatrically, not like - 'I'm mad... look at my Honey Badger!'... but I explain that I've suffered from depression and anxiety for long enough to understand how my noggin ticks and how to manage and mitigate when it decides it's had enough.  Furthermore, I can use my condition in a motivational way to improve the quality and quantity of my work.  Simple. And no doubt better than having an unexpected breakdown in the middle of a big project...

As far as I'm concerned this discrimination just has to stop.  All discrimination would be nice but for the moment I'll concentrate on this one.

So... Again...  WHY am I doing this..?  Living proof that a man with a broken head can not only present, plan and carry out this unabashedly audacious, arduous and possibly life threatening feat, but to prove that so called 'damaged goods', have value you can't see or necessarily quantify.  And in my opinion, it's the little tings that make me, us, different - that makes us special and allows us to enlighten the world with our artistry and industry with no equal.

The Route of all Evil...

Christ, it's actually quite hard working out where you can and can't walk without fearing for your life or legal status these days!  Used to be that all motorways were off limits to pedestrians but now the Local Authority only has to whack up a sign and it's no go Pedro, and you have to divert 50 miles out of the way to get another 10 miles down the line...

Anyway.  Rant over for now; I've finished plotting the route I'll be taking and should be posting it onto Google Earth later in't week so you can actually fly down the roads and paths I'll be taking, as well as following the picture and low-fi vid posts that any well-wishers and I will be posting on FB and Twatter...  Can I just do the flying bit..?  Skimming down the lanes, highways and byways..?  It's too late to take that option is it..?  Really..???  But I thought...  Oh..!  Bugger.....

OK, so fooling aside, the journey will start by leaving Mayfield then heading out through the woods where I walk Dexy most of the time to Edgehead, down through Ford and onto the A68.  From there I pretty much follow it all the way to Darlington and then take the A19 to and through York, then south...  After Doncaster (where I'll try to find Jeremy Clarkson's Old School and send the address to the Simon Wiesenthall Centre), it's Bawtry, Retford, Muskham and Newark, then Grantham and I'll pick up an old droving route, Bullock Rd, as I avoid the A1(M) aroind Peterborough (Sorry Peterborough, nothing personal, eh..?)... This'll take me almost to Alconbury, where I'll pick-up the A1 again.

Then at Biggleswade I can head onto the A600 which takes me to Hitchin and the A602...  Which will get me into North Stevenage, past the Lister Hospital and then it's only a couple of very short miles to meet destiny at Ian's door.  Six Days..?  Well, five and a half actually, but Really..?  I hope so, dearly, and I'll do everything in my ability to make it so.  Thanks Gene Rodenberry and Patrick Stewart for that closing line.

One week to Xmas... Then One more day to Blast Off :0$

Yup.  Only 8 days remaining and it's been a full week since my last post...  So what's different..?

Well... Having been through the rushy, dropping headlong into the endless pit bits, I've managed to do some actual preparation in between attempting to fix the car and working very, very, long hours.  Sourcing equipment and clothing had been difficult with a limited budget but I already own a decent jacket, gloves, trousers and boots.  Still don't have any waterproof troosers but I should have that sorted by tuesday.  And my glow in the dark Poncho, Bivvy Bag, Chestpack and numerous other bits and bobs should be here by then too, having been ordered online last week.  Some of the large carriers aren't running trucks to Scotland this weekend but that should be sorted in time.  Would have been nice to get a good training run in this weekend with a full pack but I'm not complaining...

For my reference, in case I forget to bring or have just plain omitted anything; and for anyone else who likes lists of stuff, here's my list of stuff for the trip...

Clothing
Cycling Poncho (Lots of room for me, bags and legs...)
Moah Snowboard Jacket (Warm enough, waterproof enough, enough pockets and importantly, very comfortable)
3 Pairs Gloves -  Snowboard mitts, flappy fingerless or not ones and a pair of nomis grippy leather ones for holding onto my poles and eating up the miles
3x Hats - 2 woollen beanies (one's very bright and Pink!) and a baseball cap
Time to Change T-shirt  (Pledges now Please!!!)
2x Thermal long sleeved tops
2x Thermal Short Sleeved tops
Right said Fred Vest
2x Shirts
2x Trousers  + 1 additional pair of snowboarding trews for if the weather turns really wet and manky
Waterproof Over Trousers
7x Pants, Knickers, G-strings
8x Socks - 5 thin running type, 3 thicker but not so thick that they start to cause my feet problems
2x Rohan Quebec, Boots, one well worn in the other brand spanky and waiting to taste tarmac
Scarf because Doctor Who always has one and he can get out of a pickle nae bother...

First Aid/Emergency Kit
Scissors
Knife
Knife Sharpener
Tweezers
Zinc Oxide Tape
Wadding
Corn Plasters
Sticking Plasters
Petroleum Jelly
Neutrogena Hand Cream
Baby Powder
Ibuprofen, mega strength
Codeine, mega strength
Multivits
Vit C (energy)
Vit B Complex (energy)
Calcium/Magnesium (energy)
Zinc (hormone support)
Selenium/Co Enzyme Q10 (Immune support)
Bromelain (Digestive/anti inflammatory)
5HTP (helps produce quality sleep - seeing as I only have a couple of hours available to do so during each rest, it'd better be damned good sleep!)
Creatine (levels of the enzyme that deal with Creatine will go sky high so a little each day should give it something to work with)
Cod Liver Oil for Vit D
Fishermans Friends to keep my airways clear so I can keep on singing as I go...
2x Emergency Flares and 2x Emergency flare torches, the ones you hold that make pretty colours and fizz while they burn - Ain't no Zombies or them Werewolves gonna get me in the dark!!!
4x Glowsticks because I haven't been raving for years :0p

Other bits & bobs
Binoculars - the only luxury I'm allowing myself purely for the sake of it
Video Camera & Spare Battery
Sony K850i for stills photos and use as backup phone
HP iPaq for blogging, updates. mapping, GPS and even as a phone
Creative Zen nano MP3 player and voice recorder with top shelf Sennheiser in ear headphones
Freeplay 12v Wind-up charger so I can charge up the bits that can use a 12v adapter
Freeplay ZipCharge for more juice, to be charged at service stations etc - but might actually be chargeable from the Wind-up, but I have to experiment to find out how best to use them both
Quechua Sleepmover sleeping bag (Move over slankets... this is the best 'thing' in the world ever!!!)
Ex HM Forces Goretex Bivvy Bag
Survival Liner for Bivvy Bag, shiny and gold...
Nordic Walking poles - light, easy to use and pack away when not in use
Lots of small LED powered lights in Red and White, more so that other people can see me than me seeing in the dark
Slap on Strap on reflective bands for arms and legs
Gaiters for lower legs
Waterproof Hi Vis Rucksac cover
Reflective tape
Reflective stickers, some have little smileys on them, for sticking about my person, again so I don't get hit by traffic
Notebook
Pencils
Sharpie pens
A Fork
Various sized Carabiners

Oh, and all carried in my Eastpack Skateboarding Rucksack (lots of straps and cubbyholes) and a Snowbee Chestpack/Bumbag which is clipped onto the front of the Eastpack to balance it over my shoulders and keep it high at the back so I can maintain the right posture and not end up in lots and lots of pain afterwards...

And possibly a brolly.

And I forgot my washbag, D'uh!

So, the question would really be, "Why the hell are you doing this..? Are you Mad..???".

Well... if you put it like NHS practitioners do, then yes, I am, or have been at some point in my life...  Quite stark, raving mad actually.  The worst I've been was when I was seriously down, about 6 or 7 years into my depression, I was prescribed SSRIs and suffered the worst cramping, vomiting sickness for the first 3 weeks followed by an incredible period of Bi-Polar episodes that lasted until I withdrew from the medicine.  I was so far up and conversely down that one minute I wanted to jump off a bridge with a rope around my neck, so as to divorce my head as quickly and painlessly as possible, while later in the same day I would be found bouncing off the walls in elation, unable to stop smiling, laughing and enthusing about nothing... not what the meds were supposed to do, eh..?  I chose not to self medicate during that period and if anything, it allowed the SSRIs to take a greater hold of me than they should.  Never underestimate the power of a little bit of what you fancy, unless it's a hugely addictive substance or you can afford to keep on doing it at the expense of your life and everyone around you.  That's not self medication, that's substance abuse.

I snapped out of that one by dropping the meds, locking the door and facing my fear head on for about 3 months.  I ignored my friends and family, basically hid in my room at Uni - ordered food online and told the guy to drop it outside my door so I didn't have to face him - this was my interpretation of aggorophobia, not wanting to see, or be seen and certainly not going out in public.  When I did finally break the darkness I was living in I felt fresh, my skin and thoughts were new and young, relationships with friends also felt better, more constructive.  My work was very cool when I explained what had happened and I even got promoted not long afterwards - so thank you Anglia Ruskin Students' Union for your understanding and sympathetic response to my difficulties, it has and will be remembered :0)

That was just one period in a state of depression that started, probably around 1995...  and persists today, but now that I understand many of the mechanisms of the symptoms I can manage and mitigate, pre-empting situations before they strike and making sure that the people around me are aware of it.  If I was a wheelchair user it'd be easy to spot and they could work with it.  But I ain't.  And furthermore, depression is just a symptom... we'll get to the root cause later.


So.  I am mad.  A least I have been.  And now I'm taking a series of calculated risks, that are being planned, prepared and accounted for in order that I'm able to walk half the length of the country.  It will be quite an achievement - I thought that Harold force marched his troops from an encounter with the Danes in Yorkshire to battle William of Normandy near Hastings, in less that five days.  Turns out it was a few more than that.  According to Isocrates, the Spartans marched to defend Athens at between 50<75 miles a day, over two or three days; the interpretation is a bit sketchy but the maths entirely possible.  And that was 2500 years ago.  In a loincloth...

Either way, it is entirely possible, actually it might take less than my allocated 6 days, again if you look at the maths.  It's roughly 380 miles.  Which over 6 days would require me to walk 63.33333 miles per day.  Over 24 hours that an average of 2.64 mph... So if I were to walk for 18 hours per day I'd have to go at 3.52mph. In reality I actually walk/march at around 5mph, obviously a bit slower uphill and I tend to skip downhill ;0)  So using that as a baseline I could cover 90 miles a day, and do the whole route in 4.22 days.  Just in time for lunch methinks.  Steak Sandwich!  OK... So I haven't  accounted for blisters, extreme exhaustion, snow, ice, roadworks, flooding or considered the effect of the 20kg or so I'll be carting around with me in these sums - but it's there in Black & White.  It's not only possible, it's beatable!


So tell me again, Why is a person with my demonstrable skills and ability to put the head down and plough on, finding it difficult to get a job, or into teacher training, or the police force or any number of careers?  Ask me again when I arrive in Stevenage.  I'll have all the answers then, as long as you buy me a Clairol foot spa and a Phillipino masseur for Christmas :0)

Ask yourself this in the meantime...
                                                  ...if I'm Mad, then what the hell are you..?

Starting at the beginning's boring... Right..???

Day - 18

Ironically that's probably the temperature right about now in degrees celsius.  Freezing would be an understatement, unless you attribute it to a compound or element other than water... So In terms of Oxygen or Carbon Dioxide it's fairly balmy, while more commonly referring to water - it's bloody cold alright!

Anyway - that has nothing to do with the story so far.  Things have happened, emails flown back and forth all over the place but more importantly, while I was away trying not to die, and trying not to let other people die due to the incredible, extraordinarily cold weather - a small package arrived at the house.  In it I found a number of leaflets, postcards, a newsletter and also a very large T-Shirt.  It was sent by Jenny @ Time to Change, so I can get on and do the job of publicising the campaign before and during my little journey.  I now have in my possession, an unsigned postcard of Frank Bruno!  That's properly cool, he's a top bloke by any account of people I've met who've met him, and he was the first person to rock Mike Tyson in the ring (remember, Mike was at his prime then)!  Anyways... the T will look v.cool on top of all the layers I'll need to stay warm, which is exactly why when she asked what size, I said "X-Huge!". The point being of course that I can keep the message on display for the duration - I'm going to get my hands on one of those backpack covers and a poncho, get the logo and other bits printed on them so that nobody misses that all important point in the dark or when it's raining cats and dogs...  Must remember to have a name tag sewn into all items before I go swimming... or something...

I took my first strides in training last night - very unexpectedly.  The car developed a bit of a temperature (I think the heating element has popped in the cold) so, rather than waiting for a bus, then swapping buses to get home about 3 hours later, I decided that the camel's back was well and truly broken and stropped off into the night.  Despite the best efforts of Edinburgh City Council  to turn all pavements in the city into something akin to an Icy Beach, I managed to stumble, slip, slide and fall 12.5 miles before I stood at the right bus-stop at the right time...  I looked up ahead of me, read the sign which said '86', looked behind me and the '86', was about 100m away.  This, I thought, is Jung's synchronicity in action!  Right place, right time and wearing absolutely the wrong boots, the bus stopped, I parted with some hard earned, and training no.1 was done.  I did remember to have a damned good stretch (which must have looked odd to say the least), and then as my body temperature dropped we headed off towards home, slightly blistered, with a sore shoulder, ankle and medial cruciate ligament.  The knee that I've been afraid is going to blow one day, showed no signs of pain, even today, and the only lasting niggle is a blister just behind my right big toe.  Happy Larry :0)

As there was no way I was going to work today I've been beavering away trying to confirm the route, responding to requests and I did get a very nice email from Brian Blessed's agent saying, "Brian says Go For It!".  He added that he (the agent) says, "Keep Warm!".  

On that note - wrap up if you's going out and look out for buses!