So, the question would really be, "Why the hell are you doing this..? Are you Mad..???".

Well... if you put it like NHS practitioners do, then yes, I am, or have been at some point in my life...  Quite stark, raving mad actually.  The worst I've been was when I was seriously down, about 6 or 7 years into my depression, I was prescribed SSRIs and suffered the worst cramping, vomiting sickness for the first 3 weeks followed by an incredible period of Bi-Polar episodes that lasted until I withdrew from the medicine.  I was so far up and conversely down that one minute I wanted to jump off a bridge with a rope around my neck, so as to divorce my head as quickly and painlessly as possible, while later in the same day I would be found bouncing off the walls in elation, unable to stop smiling, laughing and enthusing about nothing... not what the meds were supposed to do, eh..?  I chose not to self medicate during that period and if anything, it allowed the SSRIs to take a greater hold of me than they should.  Never underestimate the power of a little bit of what you fancy, unless it's a hugely addictive substance or you can afford to keep on doing it at the expense of your life and everyone around you.  That's not self medication, that's substance abuse.

I snapped out of that one by dropping the meds, locking the door and facing my fear head on for about 3 months.  I ignored my friends and family, basically hid in my room at Uni - ordered food online and told the guy to drop it outside my door so I didn't have to face him - this was my interpretation of aggorophobia, not wanting to see, or be seen and certainly not going out in public.  When I did finally break the darkness I was living in I felt fresh, my skin and thoughts were new and young, relationships with friends also felt better, more constructive.  My work was very cool when I explained what had happened and I even got promoted not long afterwards - so thank you Anglia Ruskin Students' Union for your understanding and sympathetic response to my difficulties, it has and will be remembered :0)

That was just one period in a state of depression that started, probably around 1995...  and persists today, but now that I understand many of the mechanisms of the symptoms I can manage and mitigate, pre-empting situations before they strike and making sure that the people around me are aware of it.  If I was a wheelchair user it'd be easy to spot and they could work with it.  But I ain't.  And furthermore, depression is just a symptom... we'll get to the root cause later.


So.  I am mad.  A least I have been.  And now I'm taking a series of calculated risks, that are being planned, prepared and accounted for in order that I'm able to walk half the length of the country.  It will be quite an achievement - I thought that Harold force marched his troops from an encounter with the Danes in Yorkshire to battle William of Normandy near Hastings, in less that five days.  Turns out it was a few more than that.  According to Isocrates, the Spartans marched to defend Athens at between 50<75 miles a day, over two or three days; the interpretation is a bit sketchy but the maths entirely possible.  And that was 2500 years ago.  In a loincloth...

Either way, it is entirely possible, actually it might take less than my allocated 6 days, again if you look at the maths.  It's roughly 380 miles.  Which over 6 days would require me to walk 63.33333 miles per day.  Over 24 hours that an average of 2.64 mph... So if I were to walk for 18 hours per day I'd have to go at 3.52mph. In reality I actually walk/march at around 5mph, obviously a bit slower uphill and I tend to skip downhill ;0)  So using that as a baseline I could cover 90 miles a day, and do the whole route in 4.22 days.  Just in time for lunch methinks.  Steak Sandwich!  OK... So I haven't  accounted for blisters, extreme exhaustion, snow, ice, roadworks, flooding or considered the effect of the 20kg or so I'll be carting around with me in these sums - but it's there in Black & White.  It's not only possible, it's beatable!


So tell me again, Why is a person with my demonstrable skills and ability to put the head down and plough on, finding it difficult to get a job, or into teacher training, or the police force or any number of careers?  Ask me again when I arrive in Stevenage.  I'll have all the answers then, as long as you buy me a Clairol foot spa and a Phillipino masseur for Christmas :0)

Ask yourself this in the meantime...
                                                  ...if I'm Mad, then what the hell are you..?